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Home - March Madness, instructions included







  March Madness, instructions included



Step 1 - Stock up on essentials

corn
cc by Trev Grant

You have no idea how long you will be armchair based, as such it is imperative that you stock up on plenty of chips, dips, and drinks; you are essentially in survivalist mode for the next month.
 
Step 2 - Keep all communications open

communication
cc by granda turnier

Your mobile, laptop, and tablet are all essentials for armchair warfare. You need to be in constant contact with your comrades, while you may also be called upon to act as a peace envoy to sort out two warring factions.
 
Step 3 - Get into your battle gear

battle
cc by Brian Rinker

Scottish hero William Wallace showed the world the importance of a battle uniform; his Scottish army, with their kilts and blue faces, petrified the advancing English army. The same goes for basketball. Paint up, get your jersey on and practice your war cry. However, don’t follow Wallace’s example of doing away with underwear.

 
Step 4 - Brace yourself for battle

battle
cc by Brickset

Now the time has come to join the rank and file of your fellow supporters if you are lucky enough to be in attendance. Form a tight unit and let your voices be heard over the Spring air. If not, recline into your chair and patiently wait for the signal.
 
Step 5 - Wager

wager
cc by The magic Tuba Pixie (Bookmaker to the right)

Whether you are having a wager with an enemy, friend or placing a bet, the added risk makes the battle all the more important.
 
Step 6 - Enter a false sense of security/insecurity

security
cc by The Magic Tuba Pixie

The action is underway and your team has just scored the first basket, which will lead you to relax… don’t. This battle is far from over. The same goes for vice-versa, if your side goes behind you mustn't lose faith. How would Emit have ever have beaten the Kraggle if he had given up?

 
Step 7 - Step into the coaching role

coaching
cc by Masked Builder

You need to make sure you followed step 2 to qualify for the coaching role. Whether you are shouting at the television, imploring your player to do as you say, or texting your friend telling them exactly what you would do differently. You cannot watch the March Madness without undertaking a coaching tenureship.
 
Step 8 - Remodel your nails

nails
cc by 00alexx
 
March Madness is one of the few times where it is acceptable to bite your nails. The final 15 minutes of any match is when you should undertake your own manual manicure.
 
Step 9 - Match reaction

reaction
cc by iconicsummer

If you have the misfortune of watching your team lose then turn off all communications as quick as possible. In this battle victors are not gratuitous.
 
If you are the winners, remember you have won the battle but not the war. Show some restraint as if your team crashes out in the next round then you’ll be on the receiving end of some considerable backlash.

 



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